I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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