i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
