How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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