I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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