I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
