my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
