i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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