I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
