The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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