my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
