So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
