Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
