accomplished twins. life is a go
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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