I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I use my feet as sexual weapons
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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