2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
