Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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