You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think I am morally bankrupt
accomplished twins. life is a go
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Randomize
