No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
