My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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