At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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