She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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