How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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