He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
