If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
