I hate your face
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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