her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
