Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There r osticjed everywhere
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
