The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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