He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
