how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
