p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
