So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
