just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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