yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
