That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
