It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
