I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
