I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
