yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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