There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
