I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
babies were throwing up all over the place
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize