How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Damn victory sex feels great
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
