lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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