Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
