I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
