Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
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I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
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I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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