Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
