I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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