I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
