Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
