All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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