im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
