Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
