It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
