I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
