I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
