in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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