I faked an abortion last night.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
