He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
