She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
