I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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