I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This is not my ceiling
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
