i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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