I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
