I murdered the dance floor call the cops
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
