kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
