dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
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Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
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I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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