Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
