dude i'm inner monologue high
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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