weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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