just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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