Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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